- Andy Rooney: “Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.”
- Doug Larson: “Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.”
- Edward Abbey: “One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain’t nothin’ can beat teamwork.”
- De La Lastra: “After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.”
- Ethal Mumford: “Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person.”
Extra points granted to anybody who can use all of them.